Hope you don't mind but am just gonna let some words out here, with regards the real cost of "just a few drinks" for me....
I often think or thought how just one beer, or whatever it was, wasn't that expensive really. Esp in contrast with other drxgs that come in 20s, 40s or 100s a packet. So it's ok right? Cheap and easy, available everywhere too. Acceptable, normalised by seemingly everyone in society and used at almost every event; music, clubs, weddings, funerals, meetings, dinners out.. etc etc. So it's ok, right. Just £10 from the shop and bamn, totally buzzed and wipeout. But it's only a tenner, right? WRONG. So wrong. That ten bucks, might have been the cost of the actual thing I bought that day. BUT, I realised it was the knock on effects. Less cooking, no cooking, get a take away! Sometimes a delivery.. Thats £25. Have 2 mouthfuls of curry / pizza whatever and crash out, waking up to half eaten empty boxes of oily salty crap. Then the next day, hungover to hell. I don't REALLY need to go into work, right? I can just about get by without today, right? That's another £80 lost. So we're up to £115 now. Then cos I'm not working that day, am full of anxiety, and an awful feeling generally. Heck might as well hit the shop and day drink today. Have a day off (another one?) I mean, in other cultures it's maybe normal, right? Beer is liquid bread in Germany I heard.. They drink wine in France and Italy all day and they're all healthy, right? Well, let's hit the shop. Another £15 on beer and wine or whatever. Get some easy cook crap from the supermarket while I'm at it. Which actually probably never got cooked. Get smashed again, drink all day at home alone. Maybe buy some unnecessary crap online, send crappy messages, lie around, no exercise. But it's ok, need a relax, right? Run out of booze, now totally pissed, hit the local much more expensive shop for more in the evening cos fxck it, am pissed now anyway. Another £20. In fact why don't I get some other stuff in. Call my old 'friend'. Order £50 of stuff. Invite another old 'friend' round. Whole thing gets messy. Still awake next morning, had no food at all. Just sat up talking all night about how we are so amazing, everyone else is stupid and make all the 'plans' to do great things..... Barely sleep, probably still clothed, even shoes on... wake up. So squibbled by it all, is it really worth going into work this morning, I can go in later........... etc
This account is an accurate description of many many days that have happened over the last 20 years or so. I now sit here, in debt, physical health in an absolutely terrible state. Esp in contrast with the yoga / gymnast / nutritionist / herbal tea person I have been before. Recently was in the police cells for a foolish action I don't even remember (luckily nothing will come of it, but still it was totally my bad and I easily could have lost everything), I was in hospital and an ambulance last week, for pains I can't understand....
My secret private excuse for the above actions? I was totally abandoned by my mother at a very young age, it has messed me up, just who I am now. I started at 10 years old and still look ok-ish, I am different, I am a kamakazi, I am a rebel, I don't follow any rules, I am perfect anyway, I am so clever I can do all this and still pull off a yoga pose and cook amazing food and have camomile tea in the cupboard, so I'm definitely perfect, right...?
Sorry for perhaps a ramble here. I just needed to let it out, and I thank anyone for taking the time to read this.
One beer might be cheap as chips, but man, it's the domino effect, can cost everything!!!!!
I am now over a week since I last drank, or did any altering substance.. Been sober on and off 5 years now, am 50. This time though, it's so different. I need to treat this return to myself with so much care, and realise that if I allow the voice to get me to the shop for just "a few beers after work", it can so very very easily take me back to the patterns above in a flash, as it has done many times.
Great overall summary of the issue with solid, actionable ways to address issues with drinking. I was the same way, cheap drinking was the goal to get the most bang for the buck. While my physical health is noticeably improved by not drinking, I’ve seen the most improvement in my mental health. I’m not prone to the depressive state alcohol brought on and the continuous cycle of drinking to deal with it. It was a vicious cycle and I’m thankful to be off that merry go round.
I think the problem with men speaking out is toxic masculinity and the sense that ‘drinking is manly’. It’s also linked to socialising and if you’ve got a problem, stopping going to the pub (where friends are) is going to be bad too.
I also think drinking culture is a societal problem in western cultures (I speak mainly about UK, Ireland and Australia as that’s where my experience has been) is HORRIFIC. The ‘just have one’, ‘it’s only a drink’, ‘eating is cheating’, all the toxic slogans like ‘Don’t panic, drink >insert alcohol<‘, normalisation of getting bladdered and the culture of drinking to destress are the reason why it’s normalised.
Okay now I’m just ranting… Haha. It’s nice to be reading about this, and I think it’s especially important for men to be saying this.
The good old "eating is cheating" line. I used to say that. I cringe now at the thought!
I used to push my mates to drink with me. Drink faster. Drink this drink. Etc. And if I wasn't doing it them, they'd be doing it to me. Very toxic behaviour.
You've hit the nail on the head with it being so normalised.
Great observation, Sheila. Thank you for reading the article and for leaving this awesome comment.
Oh me to 😬 I cringe a lot at drinking me. I also think it’s incredible no one noticed I was in active alcoholism but my dad proudly labels himself (after more than two medical professionals said) a functioning alcoholic. Between him and the culture of ‘yolo have the whole bottle’ there’s no wonder!
I’m so sorry for your loss, it must be a strange grief of both a friend but also the realisation the could’ve been you. I can imagine it’s a complicated mix of emotions for many reasons.
I was the very same with my friends, family or even strangers. I didn’t mind who it was as long as they’d enable my problem. I’m certainly paying the price now, my body is destroyed.
I’m so hoping with voices like yours, it creates ripples in the culture that eventually turn in to waves that change the tide on our relationship with alcohol as a culture.
It’s nice to share the observations with someone who’s gone through a similar journey. I don’t think it has the same impact on those who have control over their drinking. And most importantly thank you for writing! ✍️
Thank you for sharing this, James. I totally resonate. In fact, if you ask me, that was worthy of its own article. Maybe writing would be a good outlet for you? I’d be more than happy to help there if that was a route you considered.
Congrats on your sobriety. I know it’s a cliché but it really is one day at a time so keep going. From what you’ve written, you know that alcohol is not worth it. It devastates your mental, physical and emotional health. You’re on the right path now, continue down it. Keep reaching out if you need to.
Take care mate, thank you for reading & commenting and have a great day :)
Thank you for another great piece.
Hope you don't mind but am just gonna let some words out here, with regards the real cost of "just a few drinks" for me....
I often think or thought how just one beer, or whatever it was, wasn't that expensive really. Esp in contrast with other drxgs that come in 20s, 40s or 100s a packet. So it's ok right? Cheap and easy, available everywhere too. Acceptable, normalised by seemingly everyone in society and used at almost every event; music, clubs, weddings, funerals, meetings, dinners out.. etc etc. So it's ok, right. Just £10 from the shop and bamn, totally buzzed and wipeout. But it's only a tenner, right? WRONG. So wrong. That ten bucks, might have been the cost of the actual thing I bought that day. BUT, I realised it was the knock on effects. Less cooking, no cooking, get a take away! Sometimes a delivery.. Thats £25. Have 2 mouthfuls of curry / pizza whatever and crash out, waking up to half eaten empty boxes of oily salty crap. Then the next day, hungover to hell. I don't REALLY need to go into work, right? I can just about get by without today, right? That's another £80 lost. So we're up to £115 now. Then cos I'm not working that day, am full of anxiety, and an awful feeling generally. Heck might as well hit the shop and day drink today. Have a day off (another one?) I mean, in other cultures it's maybe normal, right? Beer is liquid bread in Germany I heard.. They drink wine in France and Italy all day and they're all healthy, right? Well, let's hit the shop. Another £15 on beer and wine or whatever. Get some easy cook crap from the supermarket while I'm at it. Which actually probably never got cooked. Get smashed again, drink all day at home alone. Maybe buy some unnecessary crap online, send crappy messages, lie around, no exercise. But it's ok, need a relax, right? Run out of booze, now totally pissed, hit the local much more expensive shop for more in the evening cos fxck it, am pissed now anyway. Another £20. In fact why don't I get some other stuff in. Call my old 'friend'. Order £50 of stuff. Invite another old 'friend' round. Whole thing gets messy. Still awake next morning, had no food at all. Just sat up talking all night about how we are so amazing, everyone else is stupid and make all the 'plans' to do great things..... Barely sleep, probably still clothed, even shoes on... wake up. So squibbled by it all, is it really worth going into work this morning, I can go in later........... etc
This account is an accurate description of many many days that have happened over the last 20 years or so. I now sit here, in debt, physical health in an absolutely terrible state. Esp in contrast with the yoga / gymnast / nutritionist / herbal tea person I have been before. Recently was in the police cells for a foolish action I don't even remember (luckily nothing will come of it, but still it was totally my bad and I easily could have lost everything), I was in hospital and an ambulance last week, for pains I can't understand....
My secret private excuse for the above actions? I was totally abandoned by my mother at a very young age, it has messed me up, just who I am now. I started at 10 years old and still look ok-ish, I am different, I am a kamakazi, I am a rebel, I don't follow any rules, I am perfect anyway, I am so clever I can do all this and still pull off a yoga pose and cook amazing food and have camomile tea in the cupboard, so I'm definitely perfect, right...?
Sorry for perhaps a ramble here. I just needed to let it out, and I thank anyone for taking the time to read this.
One beer might be cheap as chips, but man, it's the domino effect, can cost everything!!!!!
I am now over a week since I last drank, or did any altering substance.. Been sober on and off 5 years now, am 50. This time though, it's so different. I need to treat this return to myself with so much care, and realise that if I allow the voice to get me to the shop for just "a few beers after work", it can so very very easily take me back to the patterns above in a flash, as it has done many times.
Thanks for reading. J
I was a booze snob. Only my brands in the end days. I still found the returns diminishing. Go figure. Great piece. Thank you sir 💪🏻
Great overall summary of the issue with solid, actionable ways to address issues with drinking. I was the same way, cheap drinking was the goal to get the most bang for the buck. While my physical health is noticeably improved by not drinking, I’ve seen the most improvement in my mental health. I’m not prone to the depressive state alcohol brought on and the continuous cycle of drinking to deal with it. It was a vicious cycle and I’m thankful to be off that merry go round.
What a great post, I love actionable steps.
I think the problem with men speaking out is toxic masculinity and the sense that ‘drinking is manly’. It’s also linked to socialising and if you’ve got a problem, stopping going to the pub (where friends are) is going to be bad too.
I also think drinking culture is a societal problem in western cultures (I speak mainly about UK, Ireland and Australia as that’s where my experience has been) is HORRIFIC. The ‘just have one’, ‘it’s only a drink’, ‘eating is cheating’, all the toxic slogans like ‘Don’t panic, drink >insert alcohol<‘, normalisation of getting bladdered and the culture of drinking to destress are the reason why it’s normalised.
Okay now I’m just ranting… Haha. It’s nice to be reading about this, and I think it’s especially important for men to be saying this.
The good old "eating is cheating" line. I used to say that. I cringe now at the thought!
I used to push my mates to drink with me. Drink faster. Drink this drink. Etc. And if I wasn't doing it them, they'd be doing it to me. Very toxic behaviour.
You've hit the nail on the head with it being so normalised.
Great observation, Sheila. Thank you for reading the article and for leaving this awesome comment.
Oh me to 😬 I cringe a lot at drinking me. I also think it’s incredible no one noticed I was in active alcoholism but my dad proudly labels himself (after more than two medical professionals said) a functioning alcoholic. Between him and the culture of ‘yolo have the whole bottle’ there’s no wonder!
I’m so sorry for your loss, it must be a strange grief of both a friend but also the realisation the could’ve been you. I can imagine it’s a complicated mix of emotions for many reasons.
I was the very same with my friends, family or even strangers. I didn’t mind who it was as long as they’d enable my problem. I’m certainly paying the price now, my body is destroyed.
I’m so hoping with voices like yours, it creates ripples in the culture that eventually turn in to waves that change the tide on our relationship with alcohol as a culture.
It’s nice to share the observations with someone who’s gone through a similar journey. I don’t think it has the same impact on those who have control over their drinking. And most importantly thank you for writing! ✍️
Thank you for the mention, Roscoe! And what a fantastic, informative resource for folks!
And thank you for being an inspiration :)
Thank you for sharing this, James. I totally resonate. In fact, if you ask me, that was worthy of its own article. Maybe writing would be a good outlet for you? I’d be more than happy to help there if that was a route you considered.
Congrats on your sobriety. I know it’s a cliché but it really is one day at a time so keep going. From what you’ve written, you know that alcohol is not worth it. It devastates your mental, physical and emotional health. You’re on the right path now, continue down it. Keep reaching out if you need to.
Take care mate, thank you for reading & commenting and have a great day :)