Hooked

AFF Newsletter on Substack #24

Welcome to the AFF Newsletter on Substack.

It took me years to quit alcohol, but then again, I wasn't exactly trying too hard to stop during most of that time.

When I tried, I would go a couple of weeks without booze and then think I could drink normally again. That'd last a few days, then I'd get smashed and I’d fall right back into my normal drinking routine.

But for years I didn't think that this was a problem. I mean, I even went a few months without the liquid poison so I definitely thought my drinking was normal.

However at some point, the realisation kicked in that despite my efforts to quit for longer periods, I actually couldn't stop.

I wouldn't say it out loud, but I was hooked.

I was addicted to alcohol.

Photo by Tobias Tullius on Unsplash

I've said this before and I'll continue to say it,

The period when you realise you have a problem and not being able to quit is the most painful.

There are so many emotions involved, but with emotion comes pain...and ultimately, more drinking.

I felt useless. Helpless. Worthless. Shame. Guilt. Remorse.

Every time I couldn't quit, the more I felt all of the above.

It wasn't fun.

Then my drinking really spiralled out of control and I hit rock bottom.

Suicide was at the forefront of my mind. I was in a state of pure desperation.

I was sick & tired of feeling sick & tired.

Then one day, it suddenly clicked.

I woke up after nearly committing suicide and realised I desperately needed help.

• I needed outside help

• I needed some guidance

• I needed to talk to someone

• I needed to talk to other alcoholics

I couldn't do this on my own this time.

Photo by Erika Giraud on Unsplash

It took some strength and courage, but I finally reached out.

I'm so grateful I did.

I'm not saying I got it straight away but it was the first time I'd heard that other people felt the same way I did.

It was the first time I knew that I wasn't alone.

People felt the way I did. Acted the way I did. Drank the way I did.

People had experienced a similar drinking experience as I did and they had overcome it.

I didn't know.

I never thought it was possible.

I wanted what they had.

And eventually, I got it.

I'm blessed for the strength to reach out when I did. It was the right time for me. It clicked into place at the exact moment it was meant to click into place.

Reaching out for help was difficult... But it saved my life.

If you're struggling with alcohol, reach out for help.

Take care and have a great day,

AFF