I'm Rooting for YOU
AFF Newsletter on Substack #34
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I'm Rooting for YOU
As you know from previous newsletters and AFF content as a whole, I talk about alcohol addiction, recovery and fatherhood. In doing so, I use a lot of personal stories. Raw and honest experiences.
I share what I share because I desperately want to help fellow dads get sober, stay sober, prosper in life and lead their children the best they can.
I’ve been lost in the darkness of alcohol addiction, I’ve experienced several tough times in recovery and I’ve had to step up as a dad.
I’ve also had some amazing times and experienced a lot of the joys of life. I feel I have a lot to share and hopefully, most of it resonates with you.
In the multiple years that I’ve been doing this, I’ve been fortunate enough to help lots of men via my writing, one-to-one chats and through community. But I want to help more.
I want every dad who is struggling with alcohol to get sober.
I want every dad who is able to get sober to start living their best life.
I want every dad to be the best dad they can be in order to raise well-rounded children.
Are you struggling to quit drinking?
Are you finding it difficult to navigate early sobriety?
Are you experiencing a tough time connecting with your children?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then please remember: You are not alone.
As I’ve said previously
“It took me a while to open up to anyone about my struggles and I understand why people are reluctant to do so but believe me, it was the best decision I made.”
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You matter
As dads, there is this common misconception that only your children matter now and while I understand what people mean by this, it’s not true.
I LOVE my son. He means the world to me. But if I’m not right, if I’m not operating on all cylinders, if my head is all over the place, then I’m doing my son a disservice.
And that’s what I mean by YOU MATTER.
You need to look after yourself. You need to ditch the things, the people, the mindsets that are not working for you. Or you will never be able to lead your children successfully.
Dads in recovery need to learn a whole new way of living because they don’t have booze to fall back on. They have eliminated that coping mechanism from their life. They are now dealing with the stresses that come with parenting without alcohol to prop themselves up.
Obviously, this is a healthier way of living but it can take some dads a while to get used to. This is why it is so important for them to work on their recovery, to lean on a community of like-minded fathers and to work on parenting sober.
If you are a father still trying to quit drinking then it’s so important that you do whatever you can to overcome your addiction.
You need to work on getting yourself clean so you can step up as a dad. You need to take serious steps in order to kick your drinking habit. You need to consider this as the most important thing you have to do. This is your mission for now. You need to get sober.
Once you’re sober and begin to work a recovery routine then you can work on getting better as a dad, but while you’re still drinking you’re making parenting harder than it needs to be.
Even in recovery, I still find that I make parenting harder than it needs to be, however, the difference is that I’m not battling an addiction to alcohol anymore. I am not consumed by the darkness that my addiction brought with it. I am free from the shackles of booze and able to work on my recovery and parenting with a clear head.
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Self-improvement benefits
As I’ve written about previously, it took me years to get sober. But despite having no desire to drink now, I know that I have years left to work on my recovery. I might be working on it all my life.
Most people call that self-improvement.
Whatever you want to call it, it is imperative that the work you do on yourself is of benefit to you - obviously - but also to your children.
The steps you are making to improve your life will most likely benefit your kids but there still needs to be a balance.
As outlined above, you need to sort yourself out first in order to lead your children positively but this obviously still has to be in tandem with parenting. We don’t just get to abandon our duties as fathers.
Please check out the newly relaunched Birth of Clarity newsletter here:
So while you try to get sober or work on your recovery, it’s important to look out for detrimental things to your parenting.
For instance, don’t swap out your addiction to alcohol for an addiction to the gym. Yes, going to the gym is more positive than drinking but if you neglect your duties as a father in order to lift weights then you’ve failed. Harsh, but true.
If you have managed to ditch the booze but now spend all your time gaming with your mates while your children yearn for your attention, then you’ve failed.
If you now spend all your time at work because your recovery has led you to want to earn more money, yes you might be doing it for the betterment of your children, but what happens when you’re grown up and you’ve missed out on most of their childhood?
You’re going to regret it.
Overcoming your addiction to alcohol is the most important thing and working on your recovery matters. But once you’ve kicked the destructive habit and are now looking to progress forward in your life, you need to be aware that balancing your recovery journey and being the best dad you can be is now your goal.
Whatever stage you are at in your life journey, whether you’re trying to quit alcohol, you’re in recovery or you’re just looking to become a better dad, I’m rooting for you.
Remember, you’re improving yourself so you can be a better father. Get yourself on a positive, healthy path and you’ll be able to lead your children the right way.
If you’re struggling, then please feel free to reach out. It’s important to connect with other people who are on the same journey as you, be that sobriety, recovery, fatherhood or life as a man.
You got this.
I hope you enjoyed this free edition of the AFF Newsletter on Substack.
Take care of yourself and your family,
AFF
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