I’m really happy to see somebody point out that relapse isn’t ‘the end!!’. I really don’t like where 12-step recovery has gone with that. I believe it’s actually rehab center influence on AA. There’s no mention of ‘birthdays’ in the Big Book. Tom Powers (Bill W’s) sponsee relapsed countless times before he ‘got it’. I’ve dang near been thrown out of meetings for mentioning that!! Here’s the thing; shaming people for relapsing, making them reset their counters and all that just pours rocket fuel on the root problem that got most people in addiction to begin with: shame!! It actually bothers me alot (can you tell!!) that people in recovery can be si ignorant about that. Some people I’ve helped (I’m not into the sponsor/sponsee stuff either) in recovery have relapsed and I don’t make a huge deal of it. “Well, you’ve obviously got some more stuff inside there. Let’s use this as a tool to get to it!!”.
Great article!! Great advice and ideas on the subject of relapsing. Thank you!!!
Good one! The other thing about relapsing is fear. Fear you are back with the demon and there may be no way out ... i drank every day for 55 years - a real hangover every single day. Then I got the gypsy's warning and stopped, literally overnight. The truth is I didn't miss alcohol at all - i missed it culturally but not physically... I do drink now and again - i go months inbetween - but only a couple and i've found a. I don't particularly like the taste of alcohol anymore b. i don't understand the reasons to drink anymore c. i feel so much better without it. https://open.substack.com/pub/leighgbanks/p/perverts-and-demons-why-i-was-drinking?r=drr6n&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Early in my recovery I heard someone say that "relapse is part of recovery." I don't like that concept, but it's something I told myself when I relapsed. It helped me remember that I have a choice to make relapse temporary instead of permanent.
Your toolkit is amazing. Thank you for sharing it!
I often repeat that the path is the path—to which I get varied responses.
The path can be rocky and fertile and joyous and sad, but it's the path, all the same. If learning about yourself entails some ugly moments, then, so be it.
Every time that I came back, I was a little more broken and more teachable. It's like making love to a gorilla—it's only over when she says so.
Love this so much! It’s very similar to “safety plans” I do with clients when they are in crisis. It’s so helpful to have something tangible you can look at. It helps guide your self toward compassion and support rather than shame and abandonment. And, as always, I’m so flattered that you included my work amongst these other wonderful resources. I feel the support and community. I so admire your fierce dedication to being a soft landing for those who are trying to find their way back to themselves. It’s beautiful 💖
I’m really happy to see somebody point out that relapse isn’t ‘the end!!’. I really don’t like where 12-step recovery has gone with that. I believe it’s actually rehab center influence on AA. There’s no mention of ‘birthdays’ in the Big Book. Tom Powers (Bill W’s) sponsee relapsed countless times before he ‘got it’. I’ve dang near been thrown out of meetings for mentioning that!! Here’s the thing; shaming people for relapsing, making them reset their counters and all that just pours rocket fuel on the root problem that got most people in addiction to begin with: shame!! It actually bothers me alot (can you tell!!) that people in recovery can be si ignorant about that. Some people I’ve helped (I’m not into the sponsor/sponsee stuff either) in recovery have relapsed and I don’t make a huge deal of it. “Well, you’ve obviously got some more stuff inside there. Let’s use this as a tool to get to it!!”.
Great article!! Great advice and ideas on the subject of relapsing. Thank you!!!
Love this comment. Thank you, Christopher.
The shame cycle is definitely something we need to help people break away from. It doesn't help!
Awesome to hear you're helping people with this too. Great stuff.
Thanks for the mention, Roscoe! And what a great idea to create a Relapse Recovery First Aid Kit!
As a Recovery Coach, I have to say this is a simple but brilliant idea.. I might have to steal it for the folks I help.
Thanks man
Good one! The other thing about relapsing is fear. Fear you are back with the demon and there may be no way out ... i drank every day for 55 years - a real hangover every single day. Then I got the gypsy's warning and stopped, literally overnight. The truth is I didn't miss alcohol at all - i missed it culturally but not physically... I do drink now and again - i go months inbetween - but only a couple and i've found a. I don't particularly like the taste of alcohol anymore b. i don't understand the reasons to drink anymore c. i feel so much better without it. https://open.substack.com/pub/leighgbanks/p/perverts-and-demons-why-i-was-drinking?r=drr6n&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Early in my recovery I heard someone say that "relapse is part of recovery." I don't like that concept, but it's something I told myself when I relapsed. It helped me remember that I have a choice to make relapse temporary instead of permanent.
Your toolkit is amazing. Thank you for sharing it!
"I have a choice to make relapse temporary instead of permanent." This is powerful.
You're doing amazing. Keep going.
And thank you for reading and for this wonderful, insightful comment :)
I appreciate your mention, Roscoe.
I often repeat that the path is the path—to which I get varied responses.
The path can be rocky and fertile and joyous and sad, but it's the path, all the same. If learning about yourself entails some ugly moments, then, so be it.
Every time that I came back, I was a little more broken and more teachable. It's like making love to a gorilla—it's only over when she says so.
love alwaz,
mike.
Haha, that made me chuckle!!
And you're right, "the path is the path" and I wouldn't change mine.
Thanks for the comment :)
Love this so much! It’s very similar to “safety plans” I do with clients when they are in crisis. It’s so helpful to have something tangible you can look at. It helps guide your self toward compassion and support rather than shame and abandonment. And, as always, I’m so flattered that you included my work amongst these other wonderful resources. I feel the support and community. I so admire your fierce dedication to being a soft landing for those who are trying to find their way back to themselves. It’s beautiful 💖
Brilliant idea, mate! Thanks for the shout out!
No worries, mate. Cheers for the restack. Much appreciated :)
Thank you brother! We never know who hears our message but it needs to continue to be heard. In your powerful voice!
Thank you, Dee.