Stop! Don't Drink! Think of the Children
AFF Newsletter on Substack #46
Welcome to the AFF Newsletter on Substack.
Addiction has the ability to rob you of the most precious things in your life. It has the potential to blow up bonds that you thought were indestructible. You can lose your connection to the most innocent and pure souls in your life - your children.
Alcohol addiction has destroyed so many homes. It has split solid relationships and even ruined chances of reconciliation. It has stopped children from growing up with their parents or relegated them to mere afterthoughts, or worse.
Some parents choose to prop themselves up at a bar rather than read books to their kids at home. Others, despite their efforts, allow alcohol to become the number one thing in their life. While many use alcohol as a gateway drug to harder substances.
All at the expense of their children.
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I came very close to being one of the above dads. If I had not got sober when I did, I would hate to imagine my life as a parent now. I’ve witnessed all of the examples outlined, plus many more, and I’ve seen the devastating effects it has had on families.
Children are the innocent victims of their parents’ alcohol abuse. The chaos addiction causes in a child’s life cannot be underestimated. There are so many stories of kids growing up with parents who are struggling with addiction. It’s heartbreaking.
That’s why it is so important to identify your relationship with alcohol, or any other substance for that matter, and try to understand if/why you’re abusing it. You don’t want to mess up your chance at creating memories with your children/grandchildren.
Get sober
The harsh reality is that you will never be the best parent you can be if you’re abusing booze. You might be a good parent but there will always be an asterisk against you. Alcohol will prevent you from being your best and your children will experience this.
Your children, however old they are, will always feel they didn’t get 100% of you. They will know that alcohol stole a percentage of you from them. Some will appreciate your efforts despite battling addiction, others will ask why you didn’t try harder to beat it.
Ultimately, getting sober needs to come from you and be done for you. You have to do it for you first. Trying to get sober for someone else will not always work despite good intentions. However, staying sober can be for them as well. I hope you understand.
The importance of kicking your destructive habit should be top of your priority list. I used to think that meant I’d be neglecting parental duties, but I realise now that those duties may never have come if I didn’t get sober. Getting sober is your main priority.
Without sobriety, parenting would suck. I would be so consumed with when I could drink, how much I could get away with drinking and/or would my son notice I was drunk. It would have been hell. I wouldn’t have been able to do it.
How would I take my son to karate? Drink and drive? No fucking way. But that’s what might have happened. Would I be too drunk to interact with his school teacher? Most likely. Would my son be embarrassed of me? Probably and maybe I wouldn’t realise.
You can’t risk destroying the lives of your children because you can’t put down the bottle. You need to take responsibility and take action to stop alcohol from ruining your life and the lives of your loved ones. And believe me, you can do it.
You can get sober and when you do you can start working on identifying the root cause of your drinking and your triggers. As
so astutely pointed out: “The substance is merely the symptom.” This is so true!I also write the Birth of Clarity newsletter, please check it out!
Maintaining your sobriety
It’s important to remember that your sobriety comes first. This may mean setting boundaries with family members who are not supportive of your journey or avoiding situations that could trigger a relapse.
While it can be tough to have difficult conversations with loved ones, it's important to prioritise your own well-being in order to maintain your sobriety. Without your sobriety, you’re not going to be able to be the best parent you can be for your children.
Maintain open and honest communication with your loved ones about your journey to sobriety and set expectations for how they can support you. This may involve setting ground rules for family gatherings or asking for help with accountability.
And remember, if any bonds have been broken due to your alcohol abuse, rebuilding relationships can take time and effort. Approach these relationships with patience and empathy - your loved ones may have their own healing to do as well.
By choosing to put down the booze, you are choosing to regain control of your life from the parental-suicide grip of booze. You’re choosing to help yourself and by doing so, you’re helping to build a better relationship with your children.
You can do this.
Thank you for reading “Stop! Don't Drink! Think of the Children”. If anything in this newsletter resonated with you, then I’d love to hear from you:
Check out the last premium post “Sorry Liver: The Warning Signs Were There”.
Take care of yourself and your family,
Roscoe | @AFFathers
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