You Might Be Judged and Misunderstood
AFF Newsletter on Substack #26
Welcome to the AFFathers Recovery Club.
You'll find that people, sometimes even those closest to you, won't understand why you've quit drinking.
(Excessive) alcohol use is socially accepted. Normalised. TV, films and social media push and heavily promote it.
So when someone quits, it can seem weird to people. You might be judged.
This is normally for multiple reasons, which I'll cover here.
"But you don't have a problem!"
This is probably the most common.
Even if they've seen the extent of your drinking and witnessed the absolute states you've been in, people will still not associate that with you having a problem with alcohol.
It's normal to get drunk with your mates, right?
The thing is though - yes they've seen your drinking - but what haven't they seen?
From secret drinking to the emotional turmoil you've put yourself through, there's probably a lot they don't know.
You've quit drinking because of that stuff. It was the things that you kept to yourself that drove you to ditch the liquid poison.
You knew that alcohol had become a problem and you took steps to quit.
Many people will not understand this because drinking alcohol is so normalised in our society.
It’s been talked about often, but lots of people can drink normally and that’s great for them.
But there are also those people who have been possessed by the devil’s blood and continuing to drink would not only be a danger to them but also to others.
In the end, you have stopped drinking because you’ve identified that you do have a problem. You don’t need anyone telling you otherwise, despite how good-natured they might be.
Highlights their drinking
In "lad" culture, which is where I found myself wrapped up during my drinking days, your friends might not be able to comprehend that you don't want to drink anymore.
They'll probably "jokingly" call you names.
Pussy. Lightweight. Party pooper. Among others.
But they might be doing this because you’ve now highlighted their own excessive drinking.
If you think you've had enough of a problem to quit, they will be thinking about their own drinking. Their drinking might be thrust into the spotlight.
Their drinking habits might become much more visible now you've quit.
They might even try to get you to drink again.
They might even try to drag you down.
They might even try to belittle you.
But that's because you've managed to escape. They might be hurting.
Or they might be jealous.
Envy
Even those friends who've previously questioned your drinking might not have actually believed you've managed to quit. They might be envious. They might actually be angry.
You've done something that they might have secretly been trying to do for a while but have not been able to manage.
Instead of asking you for help or asking how you did it, they might choose to act out.
They might try to cut you out of the group. You'll almost certainly find yourself uninvited to pub meet-ups, etc because you don't drink anymore.
Obviously, this isn't always the case, if you're lucky then people will be supportive of your decision but there is usually at least one person who will reject your sober stance.
These are people you don't need in your life anyway.
You'll be able to drink again
You might also find that the longevity or seriousness of your sobriety will be questioned.
You might face questions such as "How long before you drink again?" or "Are you quitting for good or just reducing your intake?"
As I said before, people might not be able to comprehend that you've quit.
Some people might think it's just a faze, while others might think you're not being serious.
You might even get people that don't believe in you. That mock you. Laugh at you.
But you don't need to concern yourself with their questions. You don't need to justify your decision to anyone.
Don't let anyone poison you with their thinking. Be mindful of their words. They either don't understand or are deliberately trying to sabotage you, as highlighted above.
Returning to drinking is not an option, in my opinion. You've quit for a reason. Alcohol was poisoning you - physically, mentally and emotionally.
Recovery will give you a new life free from the shackles of booze.
You've regained control of your life, don't go back.
Take care and have a great day,
Well said, Roscoe.
The 'Lad Culture' was something that I relished in-although towards the end it was one or two other alcoholics, and then, just me and a cask beside the bed.