Sobriety and Driving: Strengthening the Bond with My Son
Reflecting on the wonders of NOT drinking and driving
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Some of the best conversations I’ve had with my son are during car journeys. When it is just me driving him around. Father and son. Whether I’m taking him to karate or heading to the skate park, we’ve had some wonderful chats on these car rides. I love asking him questions and getting to know him more. Although I’m driving and concentrating on the road, I’m bonding with him more because it’s uninterrupted time. We laugh. We go deep into topics. We chat nonsense. We list our favourite things. It’s amazing. However, these chats would never be possible if I were still drinking.
Drink-driving
I drunk-drove less than a handful of times. That’s not a brag. I’m not proud of it. I wish I’d never done it at all. Thankfully no one got injured or hurt during those times, but needless to say, I regret doing it. I was not in my right mind. Alcohol can make you do crazy things. Things that you’d never entertain when you are sober. Things that are so out of character that you wouldn’t recognise yourself if you were to view yourself doing them. For me, drink-driving was one of those things. It was always something I swore I’d never do… until I did it.
I’ve spoken previously about the progression of alcohol addiction. Swearing that you’d never put yourself in a certain situation or that you’d quit before you ever did a certain thing, but when that threshold is breached and that line has been crossed, it takes a titanic effort to stop yourself from spiralling out of control.
That’s why being a sober dad is a badge I wear with honour. I love being able to say that I don’t drink. And this becomes even more relevant when it comes to driving. I can drive my loved ones to the emergency room if need be. I can go out for dinner and drive back afterwards knowing I’m sober. I am trusted to drive my son and his friends to events because everyone knows I’ve not been drinking. And I can chat with my son in the car without fearing that I’ll be pulled over by the police for drink-driving. I can chat with him and get to know him without being intoxicated. It’s a great feeling.
I’ve witnessed dads driving their kids with major hangovers. I’ve seen dads driving their kids after a few beers. I’ve had dads swear to me that they’ve not been drinking after seeing them in the car with their kids only to find out later that they’d had a skinful. Alcohol addiction will make you do crazy things. Like putting your children in danger for the sake of having an alcoholic drink. It’s sad to see.
I reflect upon my sobriety a lot when it comes to driving since experiencing such wonderful car journeys with my son. I cannot imagine driving with a hangover. I cannot imagine driving after a few beers. I cannot imagine being unable to hold a proper conversation with my son because of booze. I cannot imagine being a liability in an emergency when I need to drive. I cannot imagine putting my son’s life at risk because I was drink-driving. It makes me so grateful for my sobriety.
Driving memories
I have a lot of memories of being in the car as a child - some good, some bad - and have had some amazing times driving around Europe as an adult. There is something freeing about being on the road. About packing up the car and setting off with no real destination in mind. Just seeing where the road takes you. I’ve had the luxury of doing that in the past and I count those as some of the best times in my life. Although I wasn’t sober when I did this, I was probably the most stable and they are memories I will never forget.
As a child, I can recall me and my sister arguing in the back seat and driving my dad crazy. I can picture his arm reaching behind his seat to try to wack me on my legs - and infuriating him some more by moving them out of the way! I now reach my arm behind my seat to give my son a fist-bump. I call that generational progress!
I remember being involved in a car accident as a child. I remember my mum turning around to me and my sister with blood running from her nose. I felt totally helpless. We were rammed off the road following a head-on collision. I was injured and so was my mum - quite badly. My sister was ok, thankfully. But it was a bad memory. I wanted to help my mum like she’d always helped me. I wanted for her to be ok. I wasn’t told whether the guy driving the other car had been drinking but I suspected as much and I remember that thought flashing through my mind at points during my drinking. However, if I’m honest, it was more the thought of my mum being in pain because of the accident rather than the potential drink-driving risk. Nonetheless, that incident has always stuck with me.
On a lighter note, until my recent driving holiday around Morocco with my son, my favourite trip was driving around Europe with my wife. It was everything you’d want from a driving holiday. Great campsites. Lovely conversations. Romantic scenery. Breathtaking views. Wonderful food. Perfect driving conditions. Random stops. And a soundtrack. It had it all. I will always remember it.
“It’s not the destination, it’s the journey” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
But as I said, it has lost top spot to our recent trip. Catching the ferry from Spain to Morocco and adventuring around the beautiful country in our car tops every driving holiday I’ve had before. There is something so magical about spending time with the people you love inside those four doors. From singing our favourite songs together to getting stopped by some corrupt police officers, the journey was only just topped by the destinations. For me, driving is almost as fun as the beautiful places we visit. That’s how I’ve always been. I sometimes wish I remembered that approach to life. That the journey is just as important as the destination. But while I often forget that, I don’t forget how much the journey has improved now that I’m not drinking.
Conclusion
That leads me back to the beginning of this article. While I enjoy car chats with my son, I now appreciate the whole driving experience - thanks to my sobriety! Short trips are enjoyable. Long trips are a blast. I savour the alone time. I relish the family time. I love driving in silence. I like listening to some good tunes. I’m calmer. I’m more patient. I drive with a clear head. And I know that alcohol isn’t in my system.
Drink-driving, whether you’ve had one beer or more, isn’t worth it. You’ll get so much more enjoyment out of driving when you’re completely sober. You will get so much more out of bonding with your children on car drives when alcohol isn’t the centre of your life. Embrace the uninterrupted time with your kids. Ask them questions. Play educational games. Chat with them. Learn more about them. Get to know them. Use your time within those four doors to your advantage, safe in the knowledge that alcohol isn’t getting in the way of this precious bonding time. Enjoy driving - alcohol-free!
If anything in this article resonates with you, then please leave me a comment :)
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Take care of yourself and your family,
I’m sorry for your loss. It really goes to show how horrendous drink driving is.
But I’m so glad you find enjoyment, like me, in driving your own children to their activities. It’s so much fun, isn’t it :)
Thank you so much for your comment