Strength in the Struggle: Sobriety and Small Steps
Feeling blessed in troublesome times
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I was going through my draft articles today and found a post I’d written last year during a particularly troublesome time. I imagine I didn’t publish it because it was too raw, but rather than delete it, I thought I’d bring it to life, hoping it might help someone going through a rough time.
At the time of writing it, I was jobless, struggling with a huge debt and suffering with some dark thoughts. “Crippled by debt for the first time in my life and without a job, I can honestly admit; I am scared. I feel plagued by my past. I feel powerless in the present. And I now feel fear for the future.”
Looking back, I can appreciate why I was so worried, as it has taken me until now to sort things out. I started a new job earlier this month and finally sorted out a payment plan to help ease my financial worries at the end of 2024.
Despite all the darkness consuming me at the time, what I wrote next shows me the importance of one thing. The thing that serves as a foundation for me. The thing that, without it, would mean I’d spiral further. The thing: My sobriety.
“Thankfully, I can hold on to the fact that if I were still drinking, my life would be a whole lot worse. If I were still drinking, my life as a dad would be ruined. If I were still drinking, my ability to parent properly would be limited. If I were still drinking, the feelings I’m having now would be amplified and more devastating.”
As I said, I’m always going to be grateful for my sobriety because things could and would be a lot worse for me without it.
“During the most turbulent times in my life, I would have never considered being sober. I would have drowned myself in booze when the seas were at their roughest. I would have taken every opportunity to say, “Pour me, pour me another.” I would have laughed at the idea of navigating this period without alcohol.”
Expressing gratitude in times when things might be going against you takes strength. It’s not blind optimism; it’s trusting that things will be ok. “Despite the uncertainty, I have enough perspective to count my blessings. As well as being grateful for my sobriety during turbulent times, I am blessed to be a dad. A sober dad. To a wonderful son. The wonder of being a dad never fully leaves. I feel it every day. I love being present as my son grows up.”
It sometimes pains me to read old articles, or in this case, old drafts. But they provide great insight into how I felt at that particular time in my life and whether or not I was keeping things in perspective. In this instance, it sounds like I was. These types of articles don’t just provide a snapshot of my struggles, they also present proof that I’m sobriety is a strength… and I’m stronger than I think!
“When you’re struggling, it’s easy to withdraw inwards. I’ve done that in the past. But knowing that sobriety and fatherhood are my blessings, I’ve found myself outwardly embracing both. The results have been positive. This doesn’t mean I’m ignoring my struggles, it just means I’m not neglecting the important things.”
I continued: “Becoming a more engaged and nurturing dad has meant paying attention to the things that matter rather than worrying about the things that - in the grand scheme - don’t! Again, I’m not ignoring my debts but worrying about them around my son or letting them affect my behaviour is not an option.”
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Don’t give up
At the time, life felt overwhelming and I wasn’t sure how I’d get through. But I did. Now, I want to share something that might help if you’re feeling stuck, scared, or hopeless.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s OK to feel broken, but I should never give up. I think that’s a good lesson for all of us.
Back then, the weight of debt, being out of work, and feeling like I’d failed my family was almost too much to bear. But even when it felt like the walls were closing in, I realised I had to hold on to the things that mattered most - the things that gave me purpose. For me, those were my sobriety and my son.
Sobriety is a daily reminder that I’m worth something. And my son is my reason to keep going, even on the hardest days.
Gratitude played a huge role in helping me through that time. I won’t lie to you - it’s not easy to feel grateful when you’re struggling. But even then, I tried to focus on one thing each day I could be thankful for. Sometimes, it was as simple as knowing I was sober or being able to spend quality time with my son. Those small moments of gratitude gave me hope and kept me moving forward.
If you’re struggling right now, I’d encourage you to do the same. Find one thing - just one thing - that you can appreciate. Maybe it’s having a roof over your head or someone who checks in on you. It might not solve everything, but it can help shift your focus, even for a little while.
Another thing that helped me was taking action, even when it felt impossible. There were days when sending out another job application or tackling my debt felt like an uphill battle, but I kept going. Yes, it was sometimes reluctantly. Sometimes, it took huge amounts of energy not to wallow in self-pity. And I know there were times when the shadows of sorrow were ready to swallow me up. But eventually, those small steps added up. One application led to an interview and then finally a job! The debt thing was even more stressful and I needed a strong support network to get me through that. It’s not sorted but having people help me with my finances meant that I finally set up a payment plan. The situation feels less daunting now.
While the challenges didn’t go away instantly, they started to feel less overwhelming - and that gave me the courage to keep trying.
If you’re feeling stuck, take one step. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it doesn’t have to fix everything at once. Call someone, write down a plan, or just take a deep breath and decide to try again tomorrow.
Action - no matter how small - creates momentum.
One thing I wish I’d done better back then is being kinder to myself. I was so hard on myself for not having it all together. I felt like I’d let my son down, like I’d failed as a parent and a provider. But looking back, I see now that I was doing the best I could. If you’re blaming yourself for where you are right now, try to give yourself a little grace. You’re human. You’re trying. That counts for a lot.
Ask yourself this: would you speak to a friend the way you’re speaking to yourself? If the answer is no, it’s time to change the way you talk to yourself. You deserve kindness and understanding, just like anyone else.
The last thing I want to share is about hope. Hope isn’t always this big, bold feeling that everything will work out. Sometimes, it’s just a quiet voice saying, “Maybe tomorrow will be better.” It’s the decision to keep going, even when you’re tired. It’s trusting that things can change, even if you don’t know how yet.
I’ll admit I was in bad shape, but today I feel I’m in a much better place.
I have a job, I’m sober, and I’m able to be there for my son. While the challenges haven’t completely disappeared, I’ve learned how to manage them. And I’ve learned, forgotten and then relearned, that the hardest moments in life can also be the ones that make you stronger.
If you’re in a tough spot, I want you to know you’re not alone. You’re stronger than you think and your struggles don’t define you. Take things one day at a time, focus on what you can control and never underestimate the power of small steps.
You’re not just surviving this; you’re growing. One day, you’ll look back and realise that the hardest times were the ones that shaped you the most.
If there is anything you would like to add about the issues highlighted above, or there was something in this article resonated with you, please leave me a comment:
Thank you for reading: “Strength in the Struggle: Sobriety and Small Steps.”
Here are some useful articles related to today’s post:
Check out the last post: “Confronting Alcoholism Before Fatherhood.”
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Take care of yourself and your family,
Roscoe | Alcohol Free Fathers
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Great words of encouragement and perseverance. Your writing sure helped me get through tough times when I was deep in it and I pray it helps someone else out today in the same way.