The Paradox of the Liquid Poison Painkiller
Using booze to ease pain causes more
Welcome to the AFFathers newsletter on Substack.
Ask anyone whether they like feeling or going through pain and the common answer I bet you’d hear is NO!
I was no different.
I spent years using alcohol as a painkiller, masking the symptoms but never healing the wound.
Emotional, physical and mental pain was drowned out with liquid poison. Ten pints and multiple rum & cokes. Three bottles of wine and a couple of shots. Pints, shots and a bit party powder.
Whatever I could drink, snort or ingest to avoid feeling any pain.
I didn’t know any different.
That’s how I had been treating my pain since the age of 16.
When I was first introduced to alcohol at 13, I instantly knew it’s power. I knew it could change the way I felt about myself. I knew it had the potential to unlock certain, hypothetical doors – talk to girls, make people laugh, make me more social.
I knew that alcohol gave me a way to escape.
It gave me a way to treat my pain.
So when my Mum was going through treatment, I knew that booze was there for me. The friend I had always wanted, waiting for me with one arm outstretched welcoming me into a loving embrace, concealing a knife in the other waiting to stab me in the back when I dropped my guard.
The more I relied upon alcohol, drugs and casual sex to escape my pain, the more pain I felt.
Like normal painkillers, once you’ve been taking them for a while, you need more to do the job. Your body builds up a tolerance and it takes a higher dosage to numb you.
People abuse painkillers. I abused alcohol.
No more though.
While I don’t like to feel pain now, I know that going back to my old ways is not an option. So I truly feel the pain now. It can be hard. Life can be hard. But trust me when I say; (constant) excessive drinking will not make it any easier.
I’m over six and a half years sober at the time of writing this and I know that my sobriety lets me face the pain with a clear head.
And believe me, I’ve faced A LOT of pain during these six and a half years. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Personal pain and that of others. And it has been DIFFICULT. But not once has going back to my drunken ways crossed my mind.
Sobriety has given me the strength to tackle the root cause of my pain and time to truly heal.
And for that, I am truly blessed.
Thank you for reading: “The Paradox of the Liquid Poison Painkiller.”
If anything in this article resonates with you, then please leave me a comment :)
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Check out the last post: “Sobriety and Driving: Strengthening the Bond with My Son.”
Take care of yourself and your family,
Roscoe
The clarity of sobriety is life changing. Great perspective!
I can relate to your sentiment about dealing with the pains without the substances. I started going to therapy for childhood trauma, but didn't get far until I got sober. Sometimes it didn't look pretty, but I am still sober and showing up for the ups and downs that is this life.