The Multiple Lives of an Addict
How many lives have you lived?
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If you’re like me and living in recovery from alcohol addiction, then you have probably lived around three or more lives. Pre-drinking (childhood), drinking and recovery.
Below, I will share a little from my three lives and stress the importance of using the first two to embrace the third.
Pre-drinking
I had a good childhood. A similar story to a lot of people I've met in recovery. I was raised in a middle-class family by two parents, who did a good job of supporting and providing for their children.
My mum stayed at home for the majority of my childhood and was very house-proud. My dad on the other hand worked long hours, but he was always there to take me and my sister to sporting events, etc.
We had a few wonderful weekend traditions which included sports and family, and looking back on that time now, I remember it being pure and innocent and full of fun.
Uncorrupted by the world, I spent a lot of time playing football with friends and arguing with my sister! Usual childhood stuff.
My dad wasn't a drinker and neither was my mum. We had alcohol in the house but the bottles that occupied the liquor cabinet were there for parties and special occasions - and were later stolen and drunk by me!
I never saw my parents drunk. In fact, the only people I remember drinking around me were my uncles and aunts.
I remember being at a few family events and experiencing drunken loudness, but to be honest, I didn't pay much attention to it because I was too busy playing silly games with my cousins.
I do remember sipping my uncle’s beer at one of these parties and hating the taste! I don’t think that really ever changed. But then again, it wasn’t about the taste for me, it was about the effect!
Honestly, at this point in my life, I would have never guessed that alcohol would play such a huge part in my future.
As I've spoken about previously, one of the blessings of being in recovery is that I can now look back on those days through a different lens. I now view things with a willingness to understand what caused my drinking.
I think back to my childhood and as I moved into my teens, life became a little bit more unpredictable. We moved from a big city to a small town due to my dad's job, which in hindsight, was a difficult time to start a new life.
I was around 11/12 years old at this time and had to say goodbye to my childhood friends. Aside from one bad experience, I enjoyed my life in the city and was gutted to be moving away.
However, I was determined to make the best of the situation and did whatever it took to make friends. And it was in this small town, attending a new school and trying to make new friends that I drank my first proper alcoholic drink.
It was from that moment on that the seeds of my addiction were planted.
Now, as a sober dad, I desperately want my son to hang onto the innocence and purity of his childhood for as long as possible. Knowing how addiction gripped me at such a pivotal point in my life, I want my son to enjoy his childhood. I want him to have fun, to make friends and be happy.
Helping him navigate those early teenage years is going to be crucial, I know that from experience. My drinking ramped up after drinking that first bottle of liquor at age 13. So I know the potential dangers ahead. Hopefully, knowing what I know now, I can help my son avoid the traps I fell into.
Writing this for you now, I realise that moving to a completely different location at such an unstable period of my life might well have been the cause of my drinking career, but I believe the main contributing factor - something I've spoken about many times - was the fact that my mum was diagnosed with cancer.
Can you pinpoint the start of your addictive drinking?
Can you identify the potential root cause of your addiction?
Do you think your experiences with alcohol will help save your children from problematic drinking?
Drinking
Whether I knew it or not, the seeds I'd planted with that first real drink had grown into a fully blossomed tree. I was stuck in the branches of that tree for years - even before my mum died - and all I could see was a world of endless drunken fun and ways to ease my pain.
Yes, believe it or not, drinking was fun. I enjoyed it for a while. But it wasn't ever “normal drinking.” I never drank normally - from the very first time I got drunk to the last.
If you would like to read about the many fads I went through during my drinking days, here are two articles I wrote about The Fad Man:
After my mum passed away, my drinking turned dark. I was angry at the world and I didn't care whether alcohol took my life or not. That's how my drinking was for a long period.
From the innocence of youth to the debauchery of drunkenness - and all the trappings that come with it - to the beginning of the end, I look back now at those two lives I lived and know that I had to go through them to get to this point.
Recovery
I've been granted a new life. You may call it a second chance at life. Whatever you call it, recovery is where real life begins.
I heard this comment on a recent podcast and it resonated with me:
“In recovery, your best days are still ahead of you. No matter how old you are.”
Whether you’re reading this now and see the similarities in your own journey or whether you’ve experienced something completely different, the fact remains that your recovery journey is a chance to really embrace life.
You now have the chance to attack life the way you want. You can use this opportunity to experience a new, better life without the shackles of alcohol holding you back.
Recovery is where real life begins. No longer do you have to look back on a life full of 'what ifs'. A life full of regrets and remorse. You can learn from your past while living solely in the present and doing the next right thing to enhance your experience in the future.
Your past is there to learn from. In recovery, you have the opportunity to heal your wounds. Rebuild bridges and learn, once again, to love life, those around you and more importantly, love yourself.
Live your life now. Do the best you possibly can do to aid your recovery so that your future self - the person who hasn't come into existence yet - can benefit from your decisions, wisdom and experiences.
Dads, you owe it to your children to learn from your past lives and shower them with your wisdom and knowledge so they can live a wonderful life.
I know that the lives I've led; those younger years spent playing sports and making friends, the deep darkness that descended upon me during those drunken days and the sober sunshine-filled days I now experience in recovery, can serve as a useful teaching tool for my son and a reminder that, although life is full of ups and downs, it's how we navigate them that counts.
If I can help my son navigate life healthily and positively, then I've done a good job.
If I can allow him the freedom to make his own mistakes but be there to guide him through difficult periods, then I’ve done a good job.
If I can steer him clear of the hurt and pain of addiction and help him lead a fulfilling life of love, peace, empathy and compassion, then I’ve done a good job.
As a man/dad who has experienced the challenges of addiction firsthand, I have developed a deep sense of empathy for others battling similar struggles and despite facing setbacks and obstacles during my recovery journey, I can pass on some of the resilience to adversity to help those who need it.
Recovery has given me a new sense of purpose and fulfilment and I aim to use my experiences to help others navigate their own paths to recovery.
I hope that my story serves as a powerful reminder that overcoming addiction is not only possible but can also lead to profound personal growth and transformation. By harnessing the lessons learned from this journey, I have not only been rebuilding my life but have been helping others do the same too.
If I can help you navigate addiction recovery, relapse, early sobriety or prosper as a sober dad, then please reach out.
Thank you for reading: “The Multiple Lives of an Addict.”
If you enjoyed this article and you would like to support me, then you can become a paid subscriber. If you’re not in the position to do this, I’d be very grateful if you’d ‘buy me a coffee’. I’m a stay-at-home dad and every little helps :)
Check out the last post: “Introducing the Relapse Recovery First Aid Kit.”
Take care of yourself and your family,
Roscoe | @AFFathers
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Excellent post. You've done a fantastic job of capturing the life history of addiction to alcohol. As an Alcohol and Drug Counselor I commend you for your courage and willingness to post your story. I'm sure it will encourage many hurting alcoholics and addicts to pursue the journey of recovery. Bless you!
Good essay Roscoe. Don’t sweat the external metrics. You’re helping people. Readership waxes and wanes…there’s no reason for it. Sometimes people are just too busy and a headline doesn’t jump out at them from the 100,000 emails they already get. Stay the course.